More than Sorry

The Man ~ Ben Harper

Report -

It was a very basic day. I worked from 5am to 1pm at a Manchester Mobil on The Run location. Basically all I did was put away a big order of stock, with the occasional checking out a customer during a break or two. The day passed quickly. I wanted to write.

Admittedly that was all I did, aside from a brief luncheon with my old high school friend Charlaine, I wrote, and wrote and wrote. I even asked my sister for some of her secret stash of mountain dew to keep going. I wrote yesterday's blog, then wrote way too much for a blog I was planning for a report on my D&D quest the night prior. Writing has been one of my goals and I think I nailed it to a tee today.

Of course the wonderful world of RJ is not without some drama. I, while taking breaks from writing, scoured the web for the perfect song to give to a certain someone I had neglected. I found that in a Ben Harper song called "More than Sorry," if it wasn't against many copyright codes, I'd post the song in all its wonderful melodies. Instead I just managed to get the lyrics.

"Goodbye
Hasn't been so good to me
Stepped out into the night
Back against the moon
I saw ten thousand hands with candlelight
We all think that we're right
It's hard to tell
If the night is full of hope or doom

My eyes
Burn with unshed tears
My body is weak
From so many silent years
Too many people say goodbye
Before they say hello
Step into the morning
And disappear

What more than sorry can i say
What more than sorry can i be
Before our love fades away
What more than sorry
Do you want from me"

It isn't nearly as whiny as the end verse makes it seem. Ben Harper's voice, and this is why I'd rather post the real song, makes the pain and desperation of this song come through clear. It is a, I can do nothing but go from here, type of desperation voice. Clearly and the lyrics also suggest this, that the writer is indeed guilty of something, and yet feels unbounded remorse. I felt a deep connection with this song, it very accurately displays in vivid sound my emotion towards the person I have remorse towards. I myself have really gone beyond the point of just saying sorry, it is the sound of the voice and timbre of the music that really says the message. All to often I find English lacking in the real quality of linguistic understanding. Music is often that alternative we turn to to express or understand something about humanity that can only be put into sound, such gorgeous sound.

After writing and whatnot, the same person I was planning on sending this song seemed in bad shape, and it upset me greatly. Being emotionally connected with someone really is a risk, and I am beginning to understand a more robust feeling of emotional pain. At times I even felt like Mr. Harper's song was more a song for me, to console my foolish love of someone. I suppose that is the nature of love and emotions. Never understood fully, but powerful and profound. It is something I ponder as I continue on towards my goals.

After some more emotional venting to various people, and being able to somewhat talk to that person, I felt better, and in a good enough shape to actually write this without getting to drippy, and have cohesive sentences. In any regard a rather slow day is now coming to a close, and I need to sleep before ballet tomorrow. So I'll just get to my scores.

Body - 7: Ate decently, and felt good during work enough to carry big boxes. Held up to the rigors of writing for hours upon hours. Lost points because when I got upset I started chain smoking, damn nicotine addiction. Have to work on that soon.

Mind - 10: Hands down, amazingly well done, focus, stability, organization, and the writing marathon, all culminated into a flawless mental day. I can not wait to have another day like this. I think I have been holding in a lot of writing tension and it all came out today.

Emotion - 7: Much like the body, functioned well, but things changed when faced with adversity. I would have given myself a much lower score had I not vented and talked to people honestly. I think this storm of being upset will move onto tomorrow.

Overall - 8


Storms a bruin... we'll see how this ends tomorrow