Renewal

Human beings have a nasty habit of waiting until scientific observation until making appropriate adjustments to their lives. Even then the change is hard, and tasking, as scientific observations, usually offer objective views on those things constantly tainted by human bias.

One can look to the global warming epidemic. Sciences (the less biased and politically paid for ones) have observed that human industry, population, and waste is changing the climate in an adverse way. Yet still we see constant reluctance to change a lifestyle that will ultimately lead to the end of life altogether.

However this blog is not about global warming, any scientific notion or humanity. It is about only the smallest sliver of the latter, myself. Observations have been made, unbiased and true. They indite me, accuse me, and are brutally honest. So with those observations, I am rededicating (though there was no formal dedication) this blog. Liffruma is an Old English word for "lord of life" or "source of life." So it is with observation, and emotional pain I dedicate this blog to my renewal, my turn, and my source of life.

To say I didn't know I was failing in life would be a lie. I knew, and I still know. Un-used potential like a Soviet missile silo, my life has sat stagnant, still with a blend of apathy, self-pity, and denial usually reserved for death row inmates. Rather than list those things that hold me back, and eat away at my ego, I'd rather list my solutions. For those curious about said list, only context is needed to uncover the myth surrounding my inadequacies.

Before I list my solutions, I should also reveal my bet, what I have to lose or gain.
~ A woman who loves me more dearly than a bloom does spring.
~ Writing, verbal, and communications, as prestigious as Cicero.
~ A family more dedicated than a team of sled dogs.
~ A faith, fragile and beautiful as any great Louvre masterpiece.
~ A life, the one and only, not duplicated, often imitated, but never replicated

I hereby dedicate myself to the pillars of these solutions, as they are attainable, and necessary to keep those things that are precious, and irreplaceable to me.

The Core Pillar ~ The ultimate solution

Educate, and take action to love myself myself on ways and means to love myself as I have loved others, in order to take pride (not arrogance) in my self, my accomplishments, those things I have yet to do, and reconciliation for actions past.

Supporting Tenants ~ The necessary steps

1. Begin my neglected battery of psychological treatment

a. Attend counseling or therapy
b. Get onto psychoactive drug therapies to treat my bipolar disorder
c. Journal daily, this includes setting goals, and holding my self accountable for said goals
d. Have and maintain outside accountability to stick to my treatment plan

2. Appreciate my spirituality

a. Daily reflections, walks, quiet time, meditation or prayer
b. Use faith to boldly step into understandings of love unrealized
c. Use faith to boldly heal and reconcile scars, and pains to better appreciate myself
d. Be deliberate, and act according to the dogmas I revere

3. Value sexuality

a. No no-strings-attached relationships can be allowed to hinder my self worth
b. Disown pornography for the abuse of human dignity, and life it thrives off of
c. Respect sexual attraction, and value it as sacred
d. View my own body as a place of worship and value

4. Life goals

a. Make wages that I am happy earning and happy having
b. Apply and get a job I am satisfied with having
c. Budget properly, and save in order to move out and gain independence
d. Value time by making it to edify my life
e. Write to make myself happy (being done right now)

Miscellany ~ Aspirations, and hope, not required, but they do give bonus points :-)

~ Quit cigarettes
~ Have an apartment
~ Play video games socially
~ Value old neglected friendships
~ Clean up my room
~ Clean up my car
~ Shower (when needed not when convenient)
~ Learn to cook more than pasta, tacos and grilled cheese
~ Worship

Conclusion

It is with no certain coincidence I think that I make the dedication to these goals, during the Lenten season. It is a time of mourning and death, so as to make new life. So remembering that it is darkest before dawn, and only from the bottom can you step up, I inaugurate this new season in my life to do what I have always dreamed of, becoming the man I have always wanted to be.



And yes deep inside I want to be a fat man out west who is clearly too big to be riding a horse, and with a cowboy hat that accentuates just how bowling ball shaped I am.